Thursday, April 23, 2009

I love him so...

Having a baby is one the most important decision one can make. I used to be terrified at the idea of having a kid. I was worried about whether i would be a good mother. I was worried about the weight gain. What about my relationship with my hubby? I felt like i still had things i wanted to do for me. I still wanted to drive my sport car and be "young". So the question is how has Ethan changed my life.

Ethan just turned 8 months couple days ago. I read all the books you can think of. I asked all the mothers around me for advises. I wanted to know if i was going to fall in love with him the second i saw him... Like in the movies. Well that did not happened for me. When he was born, the first thought that came to my mind after he was out was... Thank God he is Ok. The second thought was , when can i eat? After 20 hours without eating all i could think of was the fried rice my mother in law brought to the hospital.

I did not have that magical moment we see in the movie; with all the tears and the instant connection. Sorry Ethan. FOr the longest time , i could not believe that he was my child. I kept thinking that i was babysitting. To be honnest it probably took me a month to realize that Ethan was here to stay. That my hubby and I, had created this little bundle of joy.
How has our lives changed?
Not so much, we won't let it. Coming from a divorced home i know how important it is for parents to take care of their relationship. Is it easy to go drop off Ethan at grand ma. NO... But is it necessary for me and hubby to have that time? Hell yes.

I think having a child is what you make of it. I am working, going to school and a full time mom. Are there sacrifices that we make? Everyday, all day... I am now more motivated because i have a witness, who is believing everything i say. We are shaping his destiny and every mistakes, successes will impact me somehow. I doubt that one knows what love is until one has a child. I am crazyly, deeply, forever in love with my son. I will do anything for him and he is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

How is my life different than any other 23 years old?

The truth is that our lives has changed. Every furniture we buy from now on has to be child proof. The truth is that they are so many "important" things that we miss out on because we have to babysitt. The truth is that i might never drive a sport car and at some point i will get that mini van . The truth is that i am no longer that girl that was frightened nine months ago. I am a mother which to me means that i have to put my baby first. Anything or anyone that stops me from doing that needs to get out of my life. I was given the blessing to right all the wrong i think that my parents made when i was growing up. I am a very normal 23 years old ( whatever that means) . We go to parties, i still wear my short dresses. I still listen to BET and watch all my shows. Ecxept that i have a personal alarm clock that wakes me up at 8 am every morning no matter what. I have seen more diapers and poo that i care to really remember. It takes me longer to get out of the house. ( maybe 5 more minutes)...

Think of the activity you love the most and how much time flies while you are doing it. That 's what it is for me with Ethan. I have fallen in love with him. He is at that age where he will smile at you just because you walk in the room. Such a pure love, he loves us just because.... That is unconditional love. I have been saying that if i knew that this is how it was going to be to have a baby i would have had one at 16 ( lol).


  1. Wowww Sandra!! Just read ur post and I feel like you're writing about my life for the past year ( except for the 23 year old Zoe was born August 26th and my life was forever changed the in the craziest,scariest, most wonderful way and I would not change one minute of it..( not even a min in labor!)
    Anyway..just had to respond to this. Ethan is beautiful and very lucky to have a mommy like u. Take care
    Au fait, kesk'elle devient ta folle de soeur?
    C Ingrid o fait:-)

  2. glad u are happy......may he(ur son) continue to be a blessing n a source of joy n happiness in ur life...n family...