Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Chris Brown and Rihana: America sweetheart?

Rihanna and Chris Brown are supposely back together. The country is upset and judging. People were really behind Rihanna when they first heard about the " beat down". For those that were still a little bit skeptical when these pictures surfaces there were none left.

So you can imagine the huge shock when we heard that they got back together. People are outraged and confused. However, Rihanna is no different than any abuse woman out there. Statistics show that an abuse spouse, girlfriend would leave and go back 8 times before she finally moves on for good. Shocking? Well keep reading.

Abuse is a very vicious cycle. I doubt that this was the first time that chris brown got physical with Rihanna. I think that there had been pushing, mabye a slap or two in the past but nothing this serious. It is very rare that someone would get this kind of a beat down on the first round. I am saying first round because it is my belief there are many more rounds to come. Please understand that i like Chris Brown. They are many reasons that could explain his behavior. It could be the fame, or maybe he has witnessed or being the victim of some abuse in the past. The department of justice family violence unit clarifies this. " A man may abuse a woman because he has learned this behaviour in his childhood; has not learned appropriate ways of dealing with anger; is influenced by the way women and men are shown in the media; wants to maintain a tough macho image; believes violence is a way to show male power; has low self-esteem and wants his partner to be dependent on him; is influenced by TV sports, etc; thinks that there are few, if any, consequences for his violent acts. " So there are many places where Chris Brown may have learned his abusive behavior. However, We should never confused understanding a behavior with condoning it. He and the rest of men that are abusive must take responsability for their actions.

So lets put blame where blame is due. Chris Brown should have never put his hands on Rihanna. Rihanna should not get back with Chris Brown but she has. Does that make what he did OK? I think many people are struggling with this. They are probably thinking that if she is back with him then she deserves what she got. Why should they get involved. Here is what we need to understand. A woman that is being abused is stripped of her confidence. By the time the first hit comes, there has been a lot of emotional abuse going on already. Like my mom says no one ever goes on a first date and gets slapped. NEVER. It is starts with words, name calling. The abuser makes you feel worthless and by the time he hits you, you believe that you are nothing without him. I know, i know but this is Chris brown and Rihanna. How can Rihanna have low self esteem? She is hot and liked all over the world. Why is she staying?

She is staying because she is like most women that are abuse. She hopes he would change. Chris Brown has probaby sworn that he would never do it again. He has told her that he loves her so much that it makes him crazy sometimes. She believes him and loves him and decided to stay. No one knows if he is going to hit her again , but statistics show that in most cases it happens again and it gets worst.

I want to make sure that we do not blame the victim in domestic violence. ( in this case Rihanna) If you have a friend in the situation all you can do is be patient. Know that she is more likely to go back with the abuser. She does not need you to be judgemental. She is alreally judging herself. Also, know that women are higher risks of deadly retaliations when they try to escape. So you should not tell her to just pick up and go. She needs a plan of actions. Domestic violence is a very serious issue and if nothing else Chris Brown and Rihanna have brought it back into focus.

For more info : http://www.safeplaceministries.com/pdf/Learning%20to%20Recognize%20Abuse.pdf

TV show junkie

I love watching "reality" shows even though my husband reminds me that they are all scripted. I am in serious denial and i refuse to believe that my favorite shows are scripted. Here are my My top 5 at the moment.

1.The bachelor
Ok so i was heartbroken when jason was rejected by the bachelorette last season . So this season, I watched him every week as the bachelor in hope that he would find true love. I liked him because he seemed to be down to earth and nice. I just assumed that his last marriage ended because his wife did something wrong . Now i think l i might have been wrong on my judgement. Watch this
Jason changed his mind. He proposed to someone and then changed his mind. I am a little bit irritated because i don't get why he had to break up with her on national tv. I can hear my husband response " well baby, i told you it's all about ratings, it's fake. Think about it why would he break up with her and ask someone else out right away. It's all fake, they are making money of of women like you..." Even though i know there is a chance that he is right i can not help but to want to believe that this real. So back to the show.
On an update show that aired today, Jason, when asked how he felt about the whole situation said: "i don't regret where i am at , i am really happy..." Of course you are really happy, You had your cake and could eat it too. Why should you not be happy. Asshole. Why is it that people think that just because you have moved on to someone else you should not care about the other person feelings. Just because you are in a new relationship does not mean that what you had in the past was not beautiful and meaningful. So many people feel like they have to throw their exes under the bus to make their new partner feel secure. There is no reason for Jason to go on national TV again and act like a little high shool boy. There is a classy way to do things and i don't think he was classy.
I know i am getting too involved in this show but heck, i earned my dues. I watched every mondays.

2.The city:
My dear sweet wonderful whitney. Your boyfriend is a liar and a cheater. Why are women always in denial. If it acts like a dog, smells like a dog then he is probably a dog .

3.For the love of Ray J
This show keeps me laughing. What i love about it is that Ray J is truly acting like he is searching for a girlfriend. Is he saying that he can not find a girlfriend in hollywood?I guess he has an album coming out soon

4.Making the band
I can not help myself but to watch this show. There is something about p diddy that intrigues me. A man with no specific talent that has made a fortune. I can really appreciate that.

5. American Idol :
It depends on the season. The past two seasons have been a little bit boring. This season is looking promising.

These are just a few of my favorite shows. And of course Ophrah and Dr phill are way high on my list.