Crossroads

I am at a crossroads in my life. This week will conclude three years and a half spent at the same job. My job had become my second home and i was so confortable at what i did. I had "job security" and worked with great people. So why on earth i am leaving?

Have you ever felt like you are "stuck"? Like you could be doing so much more and being so much more? Well, i have been feeling this way about my job for a long time. However, i stayed ... because i was confortable. I think that sometimes we are willing to be less and take less than what we deserve because it is safe and convenient. I got this job when i was a sophomore in college. My big plan was to look for another job after i graduated from college. However, when i graduated, i was offered a full time position at my current job, so i stayed. I stayed and probably would have stayed for years to come. However, sometimes it takes someone to rub you the wrong way for you to realize that it is time to move on.

So i am packing everything, experiences, friends, office... and starting a new job on monday. I think he has not hit me yet. I am convine that on monday i am going to drive to my old job. It is hard to leave what has become family to me but i know i am doing the right thing.

What about you? In a time where the economy is begging us to be cautious, are you "stuck" and waiting for a wake up call? I stayed for so long because i taught i had " job security", but that was the lie that i told myself to sleep at night. We all know that there is no such thing, unless it is your father company. I could have been let go at any time. ANYTIME. The other lie i told myself was that if i left and went somewhere else i would be the new person and you know what they say " the last one to come the first one to go". I know that this is not necesseraly true. When a company is looking at what position to eliminate they get rid of the ones that they can live without... So what is the real reason you are at your job? Have you reach the highest position you will have at your job, yet you are staying... Are you wanting to make 6 figures in a company where the CEO is not making that amount? Are you at the right job or are you like me and became comfortable?

I am at a crossroads in my life; and i am anxious, nervous and ecxited. What about you?

I love him so...

Having a baby is one the most important decision one can make. I used to be terrified at the idea of having a kid. I was worried about whether i would be a good mother. I was worried about the weight gain. What about my relationship with my hubby? I felt like i still had things i wanted to do for me. I still wanted to drive my sport car and be "young". So the question is how has Ethan changed my life.

Ethan just turned 8 months couple days ago. I read all the books you can think of. I asked all the mothers around me for advises. I wanted to know if i was going to fall in love with him the second i saw him... Like in the movies. Well that did not happened for me. When he was born, the first thought that came to my mind after he was out was... Thank God he is Ok. The second thought was , when can i eat? After 20 hours without eating all i could think of was the fried rice my mother in law brought to the hospital.

I did not have that magical moment we see in the movie; with all the tears and the instant connection. Sorry Ethan. FOr the longest time , i could not believe that he was my child. I kept thinking that i was babysitting. To be honnest it probably took me a month to realize that Ethan was here to stay. That my hubby and I, had created this little bundle of joy.

How has our lives changed?

Not so much, we won't let it. Coming from a divorced home i know how important it is for parents to take care of their relationship. Is it easy to go drop off Ethan at grand ma. NO... But is it necessary for me and hubby to have that time? Hell yes.

I think having a child is what you make of it. I am working, going to school and a full time mom. Are there sacrifices that we make? Everyday, all day... I am now more motivated because i have a witness, who is believing everything i say. We are shaping his destiny and every mistakes, successes will impact me somehow. I doubt that one knows what love is until one has a child. I am crazyly, deeply, forever in love with my son. I will do anything for him and he is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

How is my life different than any other 23 years old?

The truth is that our lives has changed. Every furniture we buy from now on has to be child proof. The truth is that they are so many "important" things that we miss out on because we have to babysitt. The truth is that i might never drive a sport car and at some point i will get that mini van . The truth is that i am no longer that girl that was frightened nine months ago. I am a mother which to me means that i have to put my baby first. Anything or anyone that stops me from doing that needs to get out of my life. I was given the blessing to right all the wrong i think that my parents made when i was growing up. I am a very normal 23 years old ( whatever that means) . We go to parties, i still wear my short dresses. I still listen to BET and watch all my shows. Ecxept that i have a personal alarm clock that wakes me up at 8 am every morning no matter what. I have seen more diapers and poo that i care to really remember. It takes me longer to get out of the house. ( maybe 5 more minutes)...

Think of the activity you love the most and how much time flies while you are doing it. That 's what it is for me with Ethan. I have fallen in love with him. He is at that age where he will smile at you just because you walk in the room. Such a pure love, he loves us just because.... That is unconditional love. I have been saying that if i knew that this is how it was going to be to have a baby i would have had one at 16 ( lol).

what a weekend...

This week-end was amazing. Two of my closest friends were celebrating their birthdays on friday and saturday. Also we (hubby and i) were celebrating my mom and mother in law birthday. On Saturday we went to a spa in virginia ( spa world). Everything was good at the spa until we walked in a room full of NAKED WOMEN. I am mean butt naked. For those who know me , they would attest that i have a problem changing in front of people ( even my mom). So imagine the shock when i walked in this room with women naked. It took a long while for me to get OK with the place. Once the initial shock wore off, i realize that this was an opportunity to enjoy something new. After all, i have been telling people for years how open minded i am. Yea right... Don't get me wrong, you don't have to get naked to be at that spa. Only if you want to use the pool. They had these hot rooms and ice rooms that relaxed you to your soul. What really surprised me was how relax and quiet everyone was. There were doing nothing but relaxing (i know its a spa, lol) . And yes by the end, we went in the pool naked and i know it sounds so ... But it was so not sexual, it was just being one with nature. LOL. Truly, there is something about the place that makes you feel at ease. Maybe it is because they were mothers and children around... It was so great and i will be going back.

After that we went to dinner ,the comedy club in DC and a party. Of all my years in the USA i have never gone to a comedy club. It was great.

On sunday we had people over to celebrate our mothers birthday. They are both born on the same month. These two women ( my mom and mother in law) are amazing in every way. They both have a heart of gold and will give you the last shirt on their chest. They are the best grand mother my son could have wished for. I love them both and they are a great inspriration to me.

God has blessed my husband and I with wonderful friends and a great familly. Seeing all the people that came out yesterday to help us celebrate reminded me of that. It's sometimes so easy to focus on the problems ( especially with our current economic situation) but when i really look at my friends and family i know i am blessed. My ladies came out and were in the kitchen for hours ( pepper master, crepe master, pepper soup master, baby sitter master, cake master...lol) and those that were not in the kitchen were handling the kids or cleaning up. You guys have made having a kid easy and fun. I love you guys.