To change or not to change, there lies the question...
Women have taken on their husband's name for centuries, so what is this new trend of women wanting to hold on to their last name?
Personally i think that your name is your identity. Think about it this way,let's say Mcdonnald was a woman and got married to Mr smith and changed her name. Does she changed all her restaurant's name to " Smith burger".How would you feel about it as costumer. Even though everything else remains the same, people would still have a hard time adjusting. Your name represents your history, your accomplishments, your failures. It is true that if your failures are numerous you might be more than relieved to change your name. However, if you are proud of what you have become , you might be wrestling with this.
In my culture, it is extremely frown upon for a woman to even think of keeping her name. It is almost like you are insulting your husband to be by not making the change. They believe that You should be proud to become Mrs... But here is the question, what if you are also proud of being who you have always been. I feel like your partner should be an addition to your life and not a replacement. If changing one's name is a symbol for... Well what is it truly a symbol of... Submission, love, new beginnings?
I know there is something extremely beautiful in starting your life with someone and changing your name symbolizes that. However, what happens to your maiden name? Does that name stop existing for that person? Maybe it is like graduating from a school and moving on to a new school. But what happens if the new school later on rejects you and admits someone else. My mom is a great example, her passport has my father's last name ( they have been divorced for 10years), her ID has her maiden's name. So what should she do? Go back to her maiden's name and forget all the accomplishments she made as MRS? But that name was supposed to be her name until death did them apart.Why should shebe the one to feel the shame of going to the MVA and changing back to miss X... Well i know what many of you are thinking, she can not keep that name because it was not hers to begin with. So if the reality is that your husband's name is never truly yours because he can take it back at any point; and if the statistics are true that 1/3 of marriages end in divorce, it is then not a big surprise that many women are choosing to hold on to their " name".
Let me first claim my position...1st
ReplyDeleteThis is a very delicate matter...I'll offer 2 perspectives - the western and the African. (please allow me generalize here)
ReplyDeleteThe Western world is overly individual..their gift and their curse..for them it is all about me, so it's easy for them to say "oh btw Im keeping my lastname", some even give their children different lastnames...that individuality often causes them to have a certain lack of commitment - towards family and relationships. Also in the west there is this idea that there is nothing to a name, so it makes it easier for them.
From the African perspective, the emphasis of family is tremendous regardless of the difficulties that sometimes arise, so the lastname is not just a name, it is a symbolic of a family, a sense of togetherness. You marry more than the individual, you marry families together. Now because our societies are patriarchal, it ends up been the woman that changes her name, often it is hyphenated.
Now in my opinion once u get the name, it is yours, not a borrowed property, u are part of his family, with mother-in law, sister-in law and all. Should divorce show its ugly face, it doesn't mean you stopped being part of that family, it just means you are no longer his wife, so that name is yours to keep.
Hmmm, dont know about other women, but for me, i really loved the idea of changing my last name, (partly cos my maiden name can be a mouthful sometimes when added to my first name)...and i think its kindda a symbol of oneness and a new start...but i've known people who retain their maiden names and add their husband's name as appendage, whatever the case, its really not just about the name, i think whats more important is what you both make of that life together...name or no name
ReplyDeleteTo H2o , i really like what you said about it being a sign of togertheness, and you are definetly right about marrying the whole family. More importantly i love the idea of keeping the name no matter what happens.
ReplyDeleteTo jhazmyn, lol, i know the feeling of having a hard name to pronounce and you are right marriage is so much more than a name.