No longer a good fit

I have been going trough some changes in the past year. Within a year I graduated from college, found my soul mate, we bought a house, got married and had a baby. During this process I have realized that friends in many respects can be compared to shoes.

There is the last minute shoe. The one you probably bought in a rush because it would match your outfit. You did not spend too much money on it or time before you bought it. Well, i have bought many of those shoes. Sometimes they were a size too small or too big but I was in a hurry and it matched my outfit. I wore them that night for the party and it hurt like hell and I never went back to wearing that shoe again. The same goes with some friends/acquaintances. You might have those "acquaintance/friends" that you always meet at parties and you guys are cool and stuff but it stops there. You might not even know their names and do not have their phone number but for some reason you guys always end up at the same parties.

There are also the shoes that you buy because that's all you can afford. I called it my “I wish shoe”. It's the fake coach, Gucci… shoe that you buy while waiting to get the real one.FYI there are some really good fake out there. However, even though no one else might know, you know that you are wearing a fake. You can dress it up, hook it up, yet it still remains a fake. Well we have some friends like that. The friend that you got because she was sitting next to you in class everyday and would always let you copy off her. The friend that was driving before you did and always gave you a ride. The friend that was popular and because of her you were also popular. The friend that was single when you were single and you guys could hate on all the guys together. The problem with these friends is that once the commodity that was keeping you together is gone, so is the friendship. SO what happened to the friend with whom you hated on all the men with when you fall in love and get married? What happens to the one that was giving you rides when you get a car? The same thing that happens to your fake coach shoes when you got the real one. You can either toss them to the curve or try to keep them in the back of the closet for old time sake.

Then you have the designer shoes; the one that you only wear for special occasions. The one you would get in a fight for because you waited way too long to buy it for someone to step on it. That's the friend that has everything you think you want to be “when you grow up". That's the friend around who you feel a little bit insecure, the one that seem to have it all. As much as you love that friend you still can't help it but to envy her a little bit.

However, my favorite shoe of all time did not cost me much. This shoe goes with all my outfits and is extremely comfortable yet classy. I have worn the shoe so much that he has become a signature look for me. The shoe has been well worn and has the stains to prove it. It is my maverick shoes. I can wear that shoe all day every day but because I love it so much i am cautious of not abusing my lovely shoes. I bought my maverick shoe when I had little money, and I was still so naive about the world. Yet these shoes have grown with me. This is the equivalent of a best friend. When I first met this friend I had no idea that we will end up here today. It was not like with the designer shoe where it was love at first sight. With this friend we had disagreement from the get go but we always manage to stick together. I have been close enough to this friend to see her flaws and her qualities. You know it’s not like the designer shoes that you buy because its a designer shoe, just to find out that it hurts worst than your one night shoe. Nooooooo, this friend has been studied and life has tested her and me. Even now, with my life totally different than when we met, she still fits in perfectly .

I have heard so many times that when you get married you loose a lot of your friends. Well that has been the case for me but I do not think that it is because I got married. I think that some of the relationships started changing a while back simply because I started changing. It has been tough for me especially because I hold my friends dearly to my heart. So when I was going through some of the changes in my life and some of those friends were not there it was really hard for me. My mom mentioned to me the other day that I also need to take responsibilities for some of the falling out. It is true that I do not have as much time as I used to. My conversations are always interrupted by my little one who does not care if I am talking on the phone. I also probably talk way too much about him with others. It is a fact I have changed even though I like to think of it as evolving. So many of the friends I used to have might not know how to adapt to the new me. Heck sometimes I do not know how to adapt to the new me. Yet I can not help but to be upset with them. Maybe I am trying to hold on to something that is no longer there. Maybe I want to turn my occasion shoes into my maverick shoe. I guess it is time to let it go, you know have a spring cleaning in my closet. It could be time to throw away all the one night only shoes and the fake designer shoes and make room for the real things in my life. I guess it is not so much about quantity it is about quality. Maybe there is no blame to put on me or the shoes, after all it is not our fault if we are no longer a fit.